I'm not from the sea. I didn't grow up having the ocean as home, understanding the waves as they come and go, the sounds they make. The ocean didn't know my skin and I didn't know its tricks, its stories, its deepness, its whispers, its wildness. I didn't grow with the smell or the sounds of the ocean waking me up. Instead, I'm a countryside girl, who would get soooo excited about summer holidays cause that would mean getting closer to the beach for about three weeks and actually get to go to the beach and see and touch and dive into the sea. Because I'm a country side girl, I didn't take the ocean for granted. Because, indeed, it was not always there. When I was grown up enough to pursue my own will, I moved closer to the ocean. And there I was happy. But I also started living to the rhythm of the big cities and soon I had forgotten the vibration that I had felt when I was by the ocean. Too caught up in adult seriousness. That sh*t makes us forget about our deepest roots, our deepest needs and deepest desires. And letting the rhythm of the big city come more and more into me, I felt I needed a change. And so I made a bigger move, a jump necessary for the health of my inner Self. Except this jump was too high and once again, I found myself away from the ocean. At this point, my strategy was getting brief moments with the ocean anytime I could. I was already depleted of ocean, but this served to pretend that this lacking feeling was controlled and okay. And then there was a whole pandemic that closed borders and people in their places. And man! How much I miss the ocean! I'm from the countryside, so I didn't have the sea as my home. But it grew in me, it came and install itself inside me as a necessity. And now, that it feels so difficult to reach it, I get to understand its importance in me as a balance, stillness, a fuel, a thriving force, as the essence of my femininity, my womanhood. A force that channels through me to give to the world. Maybe I am from the sea afterall.
